You know what to do - so why can't you do it?

Let’s get honest.

There’s nothing more frustrating than knowing exactly what would help you feel better…

and still not being able to do it.

You’ve got the podcast knowledge.

You’ve read the books.

You’ve written the to-do list, lit the candle, and told yourself, “This week will be different.”

And yet—you don’t go for the walk.

You don’t set the boundary.

You don’t rest, or speak up, or hit send on the thing you promised yourself you’d do.

It’s like something in you just won’t budge.

Most of my clients arrive at this moment feeling like they’ve failed.

They’re smart, self-aware, and incredibly capable—but when it comes to their own wellbeing, they feel stuck, blocked, and exhausted.

Here’s what I want you to know:

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re not bad at life.

You’re likely carrying an emotional or nervous system response that’s been trying to protect you—even if it looks like self-sabotage on the surface.

The freeze loop no one talks about

One of my clients (let’s call her Em) told me:

“I keep planning to set boundaries, but then I freeze in the moment. I know what to say, but I just… don’t.”

What looked like procrastination was actually an old pattern of shutdown.

Her system had learned—through years of being ignored or dismissed—that voicing needs wasn’t safe.

So even though her mind knew better, her body still braced for impact.

We didn’t fix this with more mindset hacks.

We slowed down.

We got curious.

We used the Needs Framework and other my Needs Mapping technique to identify what was actually going unmet beneath the stuckness:

• The need for emotional safety

• The need for validation

• The need for space

• The need for support

Once Em started naming those needs and meeting them through empowering, creative and compassionate ways, the spiral loosened.

Not overnight—but enough that she could feel herself coming back. Back to the ability to take the action she wanted to take.

Here’s the shift:

It’s not about pushing through.

It’s about feeling safe enough to try.

When your nervous system is on high alert, or when you’ve never had your needs acknowledged, when the pattern of your life has been one hurt after another - of course, following through feels impossible.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means your body is begging to be met with care, not criticism.

So if you’re stuck in that “I should be doing better” loop—here’s your reframe:

You don’t need to be more disciplined.

You need to feel safe.

Safe to rest.

Safe to act.

Safe to pause.

Safe to need things.

Once you understand what your stuckness is trying to protect you from, it all starts to shift.

If this sounds like you, book a free discovery call. We’ll map what’s happening underneath your spiral—and work gently with your system to create actual change.