A lot of clients come to me saying some version of this....
“There is nobody more harsh on me than me. Nobody who judges me harder or has as high expectations.” - Sound familiar?
The bottom line is that their minds don’t feel like a safe place to be.
Boy, do I get it! I got to the point where my inner voice was such a bully that I was terrified to go to sleep at night because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts before bed.
When Self-Compassion was first introduced to me, it felt like breaking the rules. Be kind to myself? Forgive myself? Have my own back? It sounded absurd—like nonsense, almost illegal. I thought I needed to be tough on myself to get things done.
But you know what? Self-compassion is a skill to learn, and it took me some time. The key for me was utilising radical acceptance. In fact, if you were to ask me what the closest synonym to self-compassion was, I'd say it was radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance looks like accepting yourself exactly as you are RIGHT NOW. Exactly. As. You. Are. Without trying to change a thing. So if you're angry, let yourself be angry. If you're frustrated with your "healing", be frustrated. If you just can't be kind to yourself right now, then radical acceptance might sound like, "It's ok, I can't be kind to myself right now."
Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, says, "Self-compassion provides an island of calm, a refuge from the stormy seas of endless positive and negative self-judgment."
The science has a lot to say. Here are just some of the benefits of SC:
Higher motivation and social connectedness
Boosted happiness and self-esteem
Less reactive anger
Increased optimism and life satisfaction
Improved body appreciation
Lower overall rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges
Greater emotional resilience
Strengthened physical health
If you want to learn this skill and implement it in your life, I've created this Free 30-day Self-Compassion Challenge...
SELF-COMPASSION CHALLENGE
How do you change the way you talk to yourself?
Go from bully to best friend through self-compassion.
This challenge is free and will help you change that inner dialogue to your advantage. Self-compassion is my favourite adult adaptive protective mode. I use it almost every time I need to get one of my needs met.
So, take the challenge and see how much more of a safe place your mind is at the end of the month.
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