I had a bad temper, a short fuse, and a hot head: How I Went from Rage to Regulation

For a long time, I thought I was just an angry person.

I’d snap over the smallest things. My jaw was always clenched, my shoulders tight, my reactions way bigger than the moment called for. People tiptoed around me, and honestly, I didn’t blame them. I hated how it felt to be in that state—but I didn’t know how to get out of it.

Rage was my go-to stress response.

Not because I was a “bad” person, but because it was the only way my nervous system knew how to signal that I didn’t feel safe. Anger felt powerful. It gave me a sense of control when everything inside felt chaotic.

But beneath that anger? A whole heap of unmet needs. For safety. Stability. Predictability. Support.

That’s the thing with the fight response—it’s not about being mean or aggressive. It’s about trying to protect yourself with the only tools you’ve got. And until you learn new ones, you’ll keep burning bridges just trying to survive.

6 weeks ago, a new client walked into my practice who reminded me of myself.

He said:

“I’ve got a rage issue. I lose my temper constantly. I’m exhausted from always being on edge, planning everything to avoid something going wrong.”

He was stuck in chronic control, drowning in anxiety, and ashamed of the way he was showing up in his life. But underneath all of that? The same unmet needs I used to carry—safety, protection, security.

We had just three sessions together, and here’s what we worked on:

🌀 Somatic regulation tools – to discharge stress and create real-time safety in the body

🗣️ Nonviolent communication – to express his needs clearly and calmly without spiralling

🧠 Understanding his stress responses – so he could stop labelling himself as “broken” and start seeing his reactions as protectors

🛠️ Boundary-setting – so he could create stability without relying on control

🗺️ Needs Mapping – to identify the real needs underneath the rage and meet them proactively

By our last session, his words were:

“I barely lose my temper now. And when I do, I know it’s just a signal—I’ve got a need that’s not being met. I can do something about that.”

This is the work I do.

We don’t shame your stress response—we decode it.

We don’t silence your anger—we understand it.

We don’t force calm—we build it.

If you’re ready to regulate your nervous system, understand your needs, and start showing up in your life as the version of you that doesn’t feel like a ticking time bomb, I’d love to work with you.

💛 Ready to book your FREE 30 min discovery coaching call with me?

CLICK HERE TO BOOK

Much care,

Epiphany