For a long time, I thought my anxiety and sensitivity was something inherently wrong with me. I’d hear people tell me I was “too sensitive” or that I “worry too much,” and part of me believed it. I was convinced that if I could just be stronger or think differently, I’d be okay.
But I've come to see things differently. I no longer think that I'm the problem. I believe the problem is that I have unmet needs.
It wasn’t that I was too anything; it was that my needs weren’t being met. When I experience anxiety, what I’m really feeling is my unmet need for safety. The issue isn’t the anxiety itself—it’s the fact that I don’t feel secure in that moment, that the environment around me doesn’t feel stable or supportive. Similarly, my sensitivity isn’t the problem. Sensitivity signals that my boundaries are being crossed and that my need for respect or understanding isn’t being honoured.
When I stopped viewing these feelings as personal flaws and began to see them as indicators of my unmet needs, they started making more sense. They weren't there to shame me; they were there to reveal what I truly needed.
Realising this has changed my life. I started asking myself, “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” Instead of wrestling with anxiety, I ask, “What do I need to feel safe?” Instead of fighting my sensitivity, I ask, “What would make me feel more respected right now?”
So, here’s a question for you: if your feelings are pointing to unmet needs, what might those needs be for you right now? Take a moment to reflect—if this idea rings true, what might your unmet need be in this moment?
By asking these questions, we begin to cultivate a relationship of trust with ourselves, which, if we're trying to rebuild our strength and find some resolution to our pain, is a fantastic place to start.
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