For as long as I can remember, my inner critic was LOUD. It wasn’t just a whisper of self-doubt; it was a constant, booming voice pointing out every flaw, every mistake, every “should have” or “could have.” I used to think that this harsh self-judgment would make me better, stronger. But all it did was drain me and leave me feeling like I was never enough.
One of my most vivid memories is when I was overwhelmed by feelings of failure because I couldn’t meet my impossibly high expectations, even though I had accomplished so much. I remember thinking, “If only I were stronger, more capable, more everything,” but all that did was make the voice inside my head even louder. I was my own biggest bully, and it was exhausting.
Then I discovered self-compassion, and it changed everything. But let me tell you, self-compassion isn’t about faking it until you make it; it’s about finding something that is both KIND and TRUE. You've got to mean it. So finding access points into it, finding something that does feel true to you, a phrase you can get behind is important.
Here are a few phrases that helped me shift from bully to best friend:
✨ "I see you."
✨ "I see all your efforts."
✨ "This is hard."
✨ "I believe you."
✨ "I don’t think you’re making anything up."
✨ "Tell me more."
✨ "I’m here."
✨ "I will protect you."
✨ "Lean into me."
✨ "It’s okay that you feel the way you feel."
✨ "There’s nothing wrong with you."
✨ "Your feelings are reasonable."
These aren’t just words—they’re lifelines. They’ve helped me create a kinder, more nurturing relationship with myself, one that has allowed me to grow, heal, and thrive.
One of the things I know many of my clients are struggling with is the idea of talking to yourself, but here's the thing. You've already talking to yourself! It's about utilising that inner voice to your advantage by simply changing its tone from Bully, to Best Friend.
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