Years ago, I was knee-deep in planning my wedding—a time that should have been joyful but was anything but. One conversation with a family member sticks out like a thorn. When I shared a timing boundary I had chosen for the wedding, I was told, "That’s so selfish."
Ouch. That stung.
The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt someone I cared about. Hearing those words made me doubt myself. Was I selfish? Should I just change my plans to make everyone else happy?
But then I realised something crucial.
If I had given in, if I had moved the wedding plans to appease others, I would have been the one deeply hurt. And that hurt wouldn’t have just been about the wedding—it would have seeped into my relationship with my family. Resentment would have built up, creating fractures far harder to repair.
So I held my boundary. Not because it was easy—oh, it was anything but. I held it because I realised that protecting my peace wasn’t selfish; it was necessary for preserving the relationships that mattered most to me.
I wish I could say it ended in hugs and mutual understanding right away. It didn’t. But over time, I saw the positive impact. By standing firm, I showed my loved ones how to respect my choices, and our relationships grew stronger for it.
This experience taught me one of the most important lessons of my life: Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out; they’re bridges to healthier, more respectful relationships.
But let’s be honest—setting boundaries can feel scary, especially when the word selfish gets thrown around. If you’ve ever been called selfish for setting a boundary, you’re not alone.
Here are a few responses you can use if it happens:
1️⃣ "I don't believe it's selfish to protect our relationship with boundaries."
2️⃣ "Please don't confuse self-worth with being selfish."
3️⃣ "Your interpretation doesn’t align with mine, and I’m choosing to honour my own truth."
4️⃣ "It’s okay if we see things differently, but I won’t tolerate dismissive language."
5️⃣ "Let’s agree to disagree and move on."
6️⃣ "I value respecting myself more than betraying myself by subjugating my needs for yours."
7️⃣ "I don’t believe it’s selfish to express my needs. I do think it’s selfish to ask someone else to subjugate theirs."
8️⃣ "I can’t engage in discussions that undermine my feelings and needs."
9️⃣ Say nothing. Someone’s reaction to your boundary is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is simply to set it.
The truth is, setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential for self-respect and healthier relationships.
If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to join my FREE Boundaries Masterclass this month. I’ll share practical tools to help you set and communicate boundaries effectively, all while letting go of the guilt that can hold you back.
💌 When: 5th December at 6:30pm AEDT
📍 Where: Online
🎟️ Cost: Free (but spots are limited—reserve yours today!)
Setting boundaries saved my relationships—and they can do the same for yours. Let’s rewrite the narrative that putting yourself first is selfish. It’s not. It’s the key to connection, respect, and peace.
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